She said, in Her Heart

brain vomit from my world

Total crazy

As I was walking in to see the premiere of “the other woman”I was shocked to see that WordPress had made a announcement on my page that said I have 100 followers!  OK to most of you that may not be much to make a whole post over but to me its amazing. I never expected to have people follow my words.  OK I cried!  I’m so happy!
When I decided to do this in January I knew nothing about blogging.  OK.i said I wasn’t gong to lie on this blog and so let’s the truth,  I still don’t. I have no clue what I’m doing besides posting and comments.  Sad huh! Time to get crackin. I gotta do that word press hero thing I keep forgetting about until it’s too late.  My bad!


Blood moon 41414

Golly that picture is almost nonexistent


Sunrise 41414 Phoenix AZ

For those of you wanting to know how the movie was.  It was fanfrakintastic and hysterical.  Every woman should see this movie.  My husband who gets dragged to all of the premiers we go to says it was OK.  Leave the men home.  This is a total gf movie. Since I’ve buried my two best friends the roster is VERY open and I’m desperately in Read the rest of this entry »


Last week

Note: I wrote this Sunday late and didn’t get a chance to post it earlier so pretend it’s Monday morning and your reading this ok? Ok!

Well this past week has been exciting it started last weekend when my husband and I went all the way down to Scottdale about 30 minutes from my house to go to the  Southwest beer festival and as we’re looking for parking I realize we were a week early.  Completely my fault I truly thought it was last weekend but we still went today. 
Monday thru Thursday we had stupid AIMS TESTING  I swear I’ve not meet one person who actually doesn’t dread this particular week of the year for their children.  My son “D” doesn’t get stressed out ever. He is one of those seriously chill people but this week he was a constant ball of nerves.  He did say last year’s  6th grade AIMS was much harder than 7th was but he’s said he did fine on reading but he reads like I do so I’m not worried about reading. Math on the other hand is hard for him he just can’t seem to understand the geometry which is something I had huge problems with back in my school days. I don’t know how to fix this and the math teacher doesn’t seem to be willing to stay after or help during lunch. This is ongoing. I truly thankful that my daughter didn’t have any additional AIMS this year as a senior although she did have to retake math twice to make her “eligible for graduating” but she passed finally back in november.  Tuesday my husband decided to start riding his motorcycle to work for the first time which caused me lots of xanex moments.  He had to text me when he got to work, when he left work and if he stopped anywhere too.  That helps a lot. He’s become so responsible in the last 6 years since he got am instant family so I know in my head he’s fine but that never stopped the crazy before so why start now.  Wednesday thru Friday I kinda took it easy but did finish the bathroom spring clean. It took three freaking days.  We’ve only lived here a year and the bathroom gets wiped down weekly!  This week I’m starting on the bedroom.  I’m totally taking pictures of this because for the year we’ve lived here we have never bothered finishing that room.  We just sleep there.  

Saturday hubs was off for the first time that he didn’t have to request
We found out too late to do anything about it unfortunatly but he went to guys night so I ran over to Kohls across the street and bought a skort. I have always loved skorts because I don’t like the naked feeling of skirts. Now normally I hate clothes shopping but since I just got an adorable shirt at Ross I needed something cute for “date night” Ams for the last two years I’ve been a plus size 20. This week I fit into a size 16 skort. No shit I skipped out of the dressing room!  4 sizes without noticing. How dumb am I!?! Now I didn’t get to wear my skort because it was too windy but the beer festival we went to today was pretty cool.  Since I can’t do events like this without the wheelchair we normally don’t do these type of events but since my insurance paid for a motorized scooter we finally get to do interesting events like this. We were given a 4 oz mug and each ticket (worth a dollar) bought us a fill up.  I got to try a bunch of local beers and a few more craft beers.  We only bought a few tickets each to drink with because I don’t enjoy drinking alcohol like I used to but I love to try new flavors.  I wish I found a chocolate beer there I’ve been seeing them a lot of other places but won’t buy any because I’m afraid ill hate it.  I did find out any beer that says  “ipa” means Pine tree and that’s one beverage besides gin that will cause me to never drink again.  Maybe not a bad idea.  Overall pain was minimal this week outside of the bathroom cleaning. The new medication in my pump is fantastic granted the marijuana is making a huge difference in the side effects from some of the necessary medication I’m on.  I’m honestly loving life right now which is a nice change.  I have noticed something though and I’m kinda stumped as to how to handle this hopefully someone’s comment will help me.  Here’s my issue;  I’ve previously told everyone about my depression starting back in November but the first day Arizona hit 85°is like it’s vanished.  I magically have energy that wasn’t there two weeks ago.  Sounds like seasonal affective disorder right? This is the definition I pulled off
Seasonal affective disorder (also called SAD) is a type of depression that occurs at the same time every year. If you’re like most people with seasonal affective disorder, your symptoms start in the fall and may continue into the winter months, sapping your energy and making you feel moody. Less often, seasonal affective disorder causes depression in the spring or early summer.

Treatment for seasonal affective disorder includes light therapy (phototherapy), psychotherapy and medications.
Exactly right?  I still spend most of my life in my back yard so I know light therapy doesn’t work for me.  I am not ready to start adding new medications to my life.  I just got off a bunch dammit! Anyway what do yout think? Since its gone I won’t need medication now but maybe next winter I will.  I hope I won’t.  We know depression goes hand in hand with a chronic disease but I’ve managed to keep that to manageable levels without more medication.  One day there will be a shot and I’ll be happy to be a guinea pig for that if I need to.  This is getting wayyy too long. I think I’m going to TRY to post more than once a week. Hope everyone had a beautiful weekend and that your week is filed with sunshine and warm weather.  After the winter the rest of you had I think your deserving.  Today we hit 85 and it was a little windy but perfect.  I’m also working in adding pictures but I haven’t dumped the memory card from my old phone and I haven’t taken any with the new phone. 


Life love and stress

I know it’s been awhile since I’ve been here but since I blog from my phone it became very difficult to do with a screen the Size of a quarter,the only part not cracked to hell.  My fault completely.  Fixing my screen would have been over $350 but instead I upgraded. Thank goodness! This is so much better!  So much!  I did try to write from my Kindle but as most of you know typing on the Kindle is horse shit.
Anyway I’m very much struggling this week to not kill my son. I had to go to the school after spring break because he didn’t bring it home before and then went to his grandmother’s for the whole break.  So he’s been failing math because he’s not doing his homework AND he’s been tardy 16 Times the last quarter.  He rides his bike to school and leaves 30 minutes early even though school is 10 minutes away.  So now I get to break his grandmother’s heart by telling her the only kid that gives a damn if she lives or dies that he won’t be spending the summer with her.  He will be in summer school.  Then he ran his bike into a family friends parked brand new pickup and finished the week off by hitting his step dad’s classic motorcycle with same bicycle. To top that, I get a letter from the library saying they have sent multiple letters staying that he owes them some $89 for damaged and unreturned library books.  What the hell!?!!?  He’s going to put me in an early have if this keeps up.  I’m so damn upset I don’t know what to do with him.  I’ve wanted to burst into tears.  Now he’s 13 and used to be respectful a good student and well behaved.  I don’t know where my boy went but I honestly want to choke this rotten kid out of my son’s body. I want my son back! I’m working very hard trying not to say something I would regret later.  This is a work in progress.  This seems to be my theme lately. Hormones? Is it emotional? The school?  Him? The fact his dad won’t be bothered?  Because his grandpa died in August?  I can’t tell you.  He won’t talk about it.  He’ll sit there silently staring at the ground no matter what I ask.  Prior to this child I’ve only raised girls and when they were 13-17 I never had this kind of problem. The last kid I raise. The last one!   6 kids. It’s not like I’m inexperienced I just don’t know what to do with this.  I’m stumped.
Anyway I was at pain management last week and I’ll be taking this really awesome new medical test (how often does this happen in one life)called a pharmacokinetic pgt
This genetic test is used to show how your body responds to your medication, weather it increases or decreases you’re dosing or to prove that a medication will or will not work for you. It even can explain why your experiencing certain medication interactions and side effects!  The fantastic thing about this test. . OK two fabulous things is got only have to take it once in your life because you’re genetics toward medication doesn’t change and the second awesome thing is this might be the simplistic test to take on earth. You spit in a cup.  That’s it.  Right, everyone with an invisible illness needs to ask their doctor about this.  Most insurances pay for complete testing including medicare. I can’t wait for this test to be done.  Hopefully I can reduce even more of my medications.  How lovely a thought!
As far as the painpump is concerned I’ll be using it forever but it seems my doctors new combination of pump painkillers is actually working pretty well.  FINALLY!!! I have a big weekend planned I just hope I don’t crash in the middle of Sunday.
Saturday I’m going out by myself to a farmers market of get this. . Medical marijuana I’m really excited to experience this and I’m in desperate need of fresh meds.  Sunday I convinced my husband to go to the southwest beer festival part of the culinary fest for his birthday.  I never get between my man and his beer so I figured this would be a great way to spend some time together in lovely Scottsdale, in the Arizona sun. We don’t normally do stuff like that and since I don’t drink bars bore the hell or of me.  I also got him tickets to a concert in July and I still can’t believe I pulled it off.  We’re going to see Def leopard and KISS. Ah my 80s. I’m going to love playing with him to get him to guess.  This will never cross his mind! I love surprising him with stuff like this.  When he does it to me 98% of the time we arrive at a car show.  Paybacks. OK he got nascar tickets twice for us. Life as a mechanics wife I guess.
Anyway is been a very long day and the week is barely half over.  Monday can’t come soon enough.  I’ll get to sleep off my weekend and zone out of pain with nobody home to bother me or drive anyone anywhere. Sadly after the last few weeks I live for Monday.  Kids are back at school, hubby is at work and I can wander around in my undies.  Lol the life I live is such a joke sometimes I can’t help but laugh
Anyway I have like 200 blogs to catch up with for the week.  It’s midnight and I desperately need sleep. And btw whet the hell is this damn plane?  It’s beginning to make me not want to fly.  I didn’t realize it was possible to disappear like that, Bermuda triangle shit I tell ya!
Love to all
“love the life you live.
live the life you love.”
Bob Marley
Smart man
Renee xo
P.s. Now that I can see a screen maybe now I can figure out why why my gravatar doesn’t work and make my blog a bit better.