She said, in Her Heart

brain vomit from my world

Total crazy

As I was walking in to see the premiere of “the other woman”I was shocked to see that WordPress had made a announcement on my page that said I have 100 followers!  OK to most of you that may not be much to make a whole post over but to me its amazing. I never expected to have people follow my words.  OK I cried!  I’m so happy!
When I decided to do this in January I knew nothing about blogging.  OK.i said I wasn’t gong to lie on this blog and so let’s the truth,  I still don’t. I have no clue what I’m doing besides posting and comments.  Sad huh! Time to get crackin. I gotta do that word press hero thing I keep forgetting about until it’s too late.  My bad!


Blood moon 41414

Golly that picture is almost nonexistent


Sunrise 41414 Phoenix AZ

For those of you wanting to know how the movie was.  It was fanfrakintastic and hysterical.  Every woman should see this movie.  My husband who gets dragged to all of the premiers we go to says it was OK.  Leave the men home.  This is a total gf movie. Since I’ve buried my two best friends the roster is VERY open and I’m desperately in Read the rest of this entry »


I smoke pot for pain!

I wrote this a few weeks ago, I was holding out on sharing this but it seems I have a few people in my life who support this. Im very lucky to have this ability to medicate with a lot less side effects

[Picture source ]

Why am I different from everybody else? Well along with a bunch of other fibromyalgia sufferers, whose symptoms get longer on a daily basis, I have something not many others have. I have a medical marijuana card and I use the shit out.of. it.
Yep, I said it, I smoke pot for pain relief!
I started testing pot (called mmj for the medical term) back in November, the same week as thanksgiving, hoping and praying I could make it through the holiday. I think my family did a collective sigh of relief that week., relaxation and me not in my usual crappy mood. And still cooking!  The holidays were lovely! This might be the first year I wasnt borderline psychotic about how everything went together, my daughter and her friend had cooked most of it this year though too. That made it the best thanksgiving ever AND I was able to go shopping black friday.
Ive made some not so great choices in my life, drinking the pain away was one of them and after scaring my kids and husband one time too many I stopped. Completely. But then I had to deal with the pain, and for years I couldn’t figure out what I was doing wrong, soo many pills and no relief, what the hell is this?
I waited about six months for pain management to get their shit together and figure out how this new marijuana law works with pain killers.  And I saved and saved. The card that allows medical marijuana to you is not cheap, not even close, its two months of one brand of my pills, $200. You have to take your last year of medical records to this doctor and once she realized the 900 page book was only the last year she got me signed up pretty quickly! In Arizona there is a list.of acceptable diseases you must qualify through. It took the state about a week to do my background check or whatever it is they do for $200. I received the card in the mail with a list of local dispensaries(the pot shopping mall basically) a week later. I chose delivery and a wonderful gentleman comes by every two weeks with the top choices in his bag, it’s all done right in front of me. We smoke some of the new stuff and off he goes to the next stop. I love it! Theres a lot to know about CBD’s and THC and indicas vs. sativas as well as how some are head high or body high. I do most of my research online but I also talk to the delivery men and see whats up and coming, what he can get that’s strong enough to wipe out the pain, the stress and my bag of tricks. I also am emploing medibles in this journey but I have a really tough time eating one cookie so it really isnt benificial to me.
It’s amazing how easily I can understand this stuff, my brain fog has gotten sooo much better. I can focus, I can do stuff, like clean and think and process information and not lose my shit in the process. Im also a much nicer, less bitchy version of who I was. I would lose my cool so quickly because the pain was literallly gnawing on my last nerve.
Let me tell you how this has changed my life, im still in awe some days that this was soo easy to do but so fraught with questions
My overall attitude is better, my husband is no longer afraid to come home after work,. I smile, an actual smile! Without wanting to cry or bite my tongue off! I usually end up doing more, like cooking dinner (yes I still cook.regular dinners, not high fry munchies) I don’t get munchies, I suffer from less migraines during the day, but still wake up with them regularly, my ache between my shoulders disappears, my nerves shut off their ziiiiings in my brain and ive lost 18 pounds since december 16!
anyway, I spend about $300 a month on pot but here’s the best part, ive stopped taking my seizure pills, my sleeping pills( night terrors in a bottle) and one of my painkillers has been reduced from 8 a day to 3 a day. Do Not go off or reduce medication without your doctors approval! The lyrica and savella are the same, the pain pump I can boost every four hours and the morphine sulfate pills are still all in but hopefully the morphine can go away soon too. All that’s left is my stomach medicine, my loratadine, xanex and heartburn pills some days a few oxycodone but that’s dependant on my day. We will see if the mental issues get better. The lyrica and savella im stuck with for what looks like forever, but being down some pills every day make me rejoice and thank god I live in a state and country that understands. The nauseated feeling from having all those pills rumbling around in my stomach has been greatly reduced! Not saying hello to the toilet seat three times a day makes such a difference in my outlook. I am slowly beginning to feel more human and less like the monster I had become. I do worry about it though, some family of ours doesn’t know, and if they already don’t like me then what happens when they find out? My first thought is to hide it but I am so tired of hiding. I want to scream from the rooftops “I found something for pain, that works, leave me alone”. My kids have been explained the reasoning behind my choices, thank goodness they are older and understand the difference of “for pleasure” and “pain relief” My husband says he notices a change in my attitude to the pain but besides that says I dont act high or stoned. Its not the same stuff your pot dealer sells. This is a very scientific measured medication just like the prescription drugs. Only stronger and with a ton less side effects. Ive never felt high just better
I do a lot of research, I research everything,and insanely investigate what might or might not work for me and by no means am I saying this will work for anybody besides myself. This is just my journey through chronic illness, depression and the bits that come with it. I’m sharing what worked for me. Also Arizona has legal medical marijuana. If this is still not law in your state please don’t do it. It’s not worth the jail time or fines or whatever your state does.
It took me a few weeks to move this post from draft to publish because I wasnt really seeing much of it in blogs, I know their out there, I just havent come across that many yet. My feeling is that someone else out there is struggling with the same thing, wanting to talk about it, wanting to learn more so here I am, admitting this to the world.

Although having my in laws here for a week was difficult we all somehow managed to keep it from them, my kids were great here occuping grandma enough so she didnt notice, although grandpa knows he played a long too. Im not embarrassed but they have given me enough grief over my disability and multiple diseases. I just didnt want them to hold it over their sons head for sticking with me through all this. Im so lucky to have him in my life, holding my hand, helping me get stuff finished and keeping me on track, he also finds my stuff ive lost in front of my face and will always know the right second before I start crying to make me laugh. He is my hero! I dont know how I would survive this illness without my mmj and my husband. Medical marijuana has completely changed our perspective of this disease. Im beginning to hope again thats major to us. To me most importantly
Soo, thats it, my big secret is out, and im ready to shout the benefits from the rooftop. This has saved my life!
How do you feel about using medical marijuana if it was proven to be better than any prescription available on the market?