She said, in Her Heart

brain vomit from my world

Addiction of a different color

No, not what you were thinking. Ive had that problem myself with alcohol but this isnt that type of post. Im really here to admit that I have an addiction not too many people will understand, but I watched the tlc show my strange addiction and I guess mine qualifies.
Ready? Ok I am an insane reader, I will read anything, anytime. Lately its been blogs, I will read your entire blog in one or two days, ok some take a little longer but I dont care what your point in writing was, im going to read it. Recently ive been reading more then I need to about peoples mental state, their kids, homeschooling, the makeup the use. I read everything and god forbid if you use links in your blog I need to explore that too. Ive even finished about 5 books last week as well as an entire short story serial blog. That was the first person I admitted to that I read everything. Ill be buying her books this week (she totally spoke to me)
Now im sure your sitting there asking yourself why you care and why it matters. Well I guess it takes my.mind off what my life is and gives me something else to focus on, it also.does wonders for my sanity and my pain believe it or not
Let me explain, ive had insomnia since I was probably 7, I could never ever fall asleep, I was always always the last one awake, hiding under a blanket with a flashlight. Before that I loved to read and would read books like Jaws or robinson Crusoe and the next day Sweet Valley High or The Babysitters club. As I got older that was how I fell asleep and still is most times, but something changed. I wanted to know about people, to know people, people that were living their lives and what they thought. Autobiographies never really did it for me because I saw them looking “at” themselves but not “being” themselves, with their thoughts and feelings and the emotion.
I will still read books on my trusty kindle and ive stopped going to garage sales and buying every single book for a few dollars. I have moved an entire library through my life so now I electronically read, much less to move and I was running out of places to put the books in our tiny house. But blogs holy hell how I adore you. You give me what I need and the more I read the more I want and im sure its like something of a fix for me. To those of you that find this, please dont think im weirder than what ive already stated I am. Ive read a few blogs that have taken years to create but as ive read, i have watched your children grow, become smartasses, make me giggle, tear up in emotional pain from the struggles youve dealt with and how you got past it, read about how smart they are, watch you grow as a parent and as someone who has something to offer. Ive also learned alot about things I never knew in history and science and human nature. If youve been fp this month ive read it, if you are under blogs I like then every thing since the original stalking event has been read at least once. You are all my sisters and brothers and I know you. Often times I dont even leave a comment unless I really felt that my voice was missing in your message.
Stalkerish right? Yeah probably could be.
Nosy? Absofreakinloutly! Every time I find a new to me, interesting blog I will continue reading it until ive read every single posted comment. I will continue reading blogs until I run out of intersting reading or the internet dies, whichever happens first. I think im safe.

I guess I just should have been a psychology major or something about human nature but that seems to be a lot of work and I dont have that kind of energy to put towards that education. As far as a way to block out my pain, it does a good job, when im reading a tornado can be right behind me and I wouldnt notice because im so wrapped up in your life.


Does this seem normal to you? What do you think? Tell me how this sounds to the outside world. Does this even qualify as an addiction? Not that im making light of addiction, because I know its not the same at all. That discussion will be coming soon enough. I wonder if its more of a coping mechanism than addiction. Ill have to talk.about that with my psychologist when I finally am insured again and get one. Yup part of my anxiety is making me agoraphobic and ive been putting a lot pf weight on weather I really want to go there. Boy! What I wouldnt do for some text psychology!