She said, in Her Heart

brain vomit from my world

Addiction of a different color

on 02/17/2014

No, not what you were thinking. Ive had that problem myself with alcohol but this isnt that type of post. Im really here to admit that I have an addiction not too many people will understand, but I watched the tlc show my strange addiction and I guess mine qualifies.
Ready? Ok I am an insane reader, I will read anything, anytime. Lately its been blogs, I will read your entire blog in one or two days, ok some take a little longer but I dont care what your point in writing was, im going to read it. Recently ive been reading more then I need to about peoples mental state, their kids, homeschooling, the makeup the use. I read everything and god forbid if you use links in your blog I need to explore that too. Ive even finished about 5 books last week as well as an entire short story serial blog. That was the first person I admitted to that I read everything. Ill be buying her books this week (she totally spoke to me)
Now im sure your sitting there asking yourself why you care and why it matters. Well I guess it takes my.mind off what my life is and gives me something else to focus on, it also.does wonders for my sanity and my pain believe it or not
Let me explain, ive had insomnia since I was probably 7, I could never ever fall asleep, I was always always the last one awake, hiding under a blanket with a flashlight. Before that I loved to read and would read books like Jaws or robinson Crusoe and the next day Sweet Valley High or The Babysitters club. As I got older that was how I fell asleep and still is most times, but something changed. I wanted to know about people, to know people, people that were living their lives and what they thought. Autobiographies never really did it for me because I saw them looking “at” themselves but not “being” themselves, with their thoughts and feelings and the emotion.
I will still read books on my trusty kindle and ive stopped going to garage sales and buying every single book for a few dollars. I have moved an entire library through my life so now I electronically read, much less to move and I was running out of places to put the books in our tiny house. But blogs holy hell how I adore you. You give me what I need and the more I read the more I want and im sure its like something of a fix for me. To those of you that find this, please dont think im weirder than what ive already stated I am. Ive read a few blogs that have taken years to create but as ive read, i have watched your children grow, become smartasses, make me giggle, tear up in emotional pain from the struggles youve dealt with and how you got past it, read about how smart they are, watch you grow as a parent and as someone who has something to offer. Ive also learned alot about things I never knew in history and science and human nature. If youve been fp this month ive read it, if you are under blogs I like then every thing since the original stalking event has been read at least once. You are all my sisters and brothers and I know you. Often times I dont even leave a comment unless I really felt that my voice was missing in your message.
Stalkerish right? Yeah probably could be.
Nosy? Absofreakinloutly! Every time I find a new to me, interesting blog I will continue reading it until ive read every single posted comment. I will continue reading blogs until I run out of intersting reading or the internet dies, whichever happens first. I think im safe.

I guess I just should have been a psychology major or something about human nature but that seems to be a lot of work and I dont have that kind of energy to put towards that education. As far as a way to block out my pain, it does a good job, when im reading a tornado can be right behind me and I wouldnt notice because im so wrapped up in your life.


Does this seem normal to you? What do you think? Tell me how this sounds to the outside world. Does this even qualify as an addiction? Not that im making light of addiction, because I know its not the same at all. That discussion will be coming soon enough. I wonder if its more of a coping mechanism than addiction. Ill have to talk.about that with my psychologist when I finally am insured again and get one. Yup part of my anxiety is making me agoraphobic and ive been putting a lot pf weight on weather I really want to go there. Boy! What I wouldnt do for some text psychology!



17 responses to “Addiction of a different color

  1. I wouldn’t say this is an addiction unless its somehow destroying your life. sounds to me like its an escape from your own pain and running away is never healthy.

  2. Aussa Lorens says:

    I can be the same way with blogs, I totally feel ya on that one! I’m jealous of your reading though. I feel like I never really have enough time to do all the reading I’d like to… *sigh* Even with blogs I feel sort of panicky when I miss a post from one of the people I’ve been following since the beginning, ha.

  3. Eva says:

    I definitely need to read more books. The classics. You’ve given me something to consider. And thanks for tagging along the site. Welcome!

    • ♥Renee says:

      Thank you for the warm welcome! I hope you get the opportunity to check out those classics. Some great.great stuff out there! Hope to see you again

  4. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you that is not wrong with the avg. Joe walking down the street. I mean we all have demons,problems,issues, of some kind whatever way you want to call it, it is all the same and you have found your way to cope with yours good for you! I think it’s excellent to read if people didn’t want you knowing there beeswax don’t post on the internet!

  5. adonis49 says:

    take long hikes until you are physically exhausted and let your body decide if sleeping is a good remedy. Our life is basically a web of all kinds of addictions and routines. A good addiction is not something to worry about.

  6. If you have the time and you enjoy it, why not?

  7. daniheart21 says:

    I don’t know if it’s an addiction, but if it is I don’t see it being a harmful one, so read on! 🙂

  8. Oh, when I first discovered blogging I would read THE WHOLE THING from start to finish! I loved it. Sadly now that I have my own, I never get the chance to go back – right now I have 50-something unread emails but I’m here reading ALL of your posts! If you had more than a few months I wouldn’t have tried it 🙂 I also read a book a day on the weekends – also digitally on the iPad. I’d have filled the house if I owned them all. And my local library is a bit disappointing 😦

    • Renee says:

      Thank you for reading my insanity. I can’t get over how many blogs I get away with reading, especially if there is something referred to in the newest post I have to go back and read to see what I missed. Very annoying but I enjoy it. If it wasn’t for my kindle my 100000 books (not including actual books) would have taken over my house I also read about one a day depending on what I’m doing. With my disease I need to keep my mom’s occupied with something or the pain will affect my mood and since I can’t do much its what I got. Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it.

  9. Hi there, thank you for following my blog. 🙂 I like yours too. Following back!

  10. sundreemz says:

    Renee, firstly, thanks a million for following my blog, I truly appreciate it! And secondly, I’m sitting here reading yours and I almost feel like I am looking in the mirror! I used to be an extremely avid reader, but my pain levels and attention span have left me unable to keep up my book a day habit. Finding the blogs has been perfect for me too, and can read for hours on end about anything and everything. It’s the same way with researching on the computer. As a recovered alcoholic myself, it’s like I’ve replaced once addiction with another. But at least this one won’t kill me!! I say keep going and do whatever keeps your brain occupied cause we all know how pain will try to make us CRAZY!!

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