She said, in Her Heart

brain vomit from my world

he actually called me fat!

on 02/14/2014

So I’m kinda pissed off at my dad, I saw him last Wednesday as I was getting ready to blog about why he was a great guy. I’m feeling a little stupid actually. Wednesday happens to be my husband’s day off and he had a couple friends stop by after they got off work. My dad and sister stopped by to switch vehicles with me about the same time, I went outside to say hi to everyone. What happens next is still beyond my understanding. Knowing that I have  severe fibromyalgia, degenerative disc disease, hypothyroidism, endometriosis, depression, anxiety, insomnia, stomach paralysis, allergies and arthritis (also known as my “bag of tricks”)                   and on medication for all the above my
FATHER CALLED ME FAT!!!! Fat damn it!!!
When I went outside to say hello, I had leaned against my car sitting on the front bumper, my dad stumbled. HE  SAID it was because the car moved, because it went down quite a bit. Turned out my tire was way way low. but hes also 80 and has other issues, one of which is his balance. Not that im making excuses because im not. Im angry! HE INSINUATED THAT MY WEIGHT IS A PROBLEM FOR HIM!
Nobody else said anything so I just ignored his comment, at the time but it botherede more and more all week long. Still though, after almost twelve years of gaining and losing due to medication side effects you would think watching me be in unmaginable pain every single god damn day, watching me go up and go down (at one point so sick that I weighed 108 when I first met my husband and looking back looked like a skeleton with skin. I have pictures maybe one day ill share it) taking me to doctors, surgeries, all the fibromyalgia medication on the market. (The lyrica is the cause although stomach paralysis isnt helping either)  the pain medication, the alternative medicine and the pain pump, he would realize that there is nothing I can do about the weight. I eat a ton of fruits and vegtables not many carbs or junk food and have meat maybe twice a week I know im doing whats right for my body, I just dont get why he doesnt understand. Im frustrated with him and im frustrated with myself for not saying something to him and im freaking hurt that the first thing my father sees when he looks at me is my weight. I have no answers and I have less respect for him because of this. I actually thought the reason he didn’t understand is because my dad has been around a lot lot longer than me and has never had to deal with a debilitating illness in his family but that doesnt seem to hold water either. I now weigh alot closer to 200 then I do 100 but im comfortable mostly with my weight, I dont look huge. Just bigger than I was. Anyway about my first post I spoke a little about my disease and about depression, and it turns out im not depressed in the normal sense but my thyroid is all out of wack which is whats causing the moods and anger and it was set off when I left my stepdaughters because I was going to kill her ex-boyfriend. Soo I will still need to go to psychiatric counseling for my anxiety anyway so im keeping my appointment. I guess thats it for this morning I hope everyone has a great rest of the week.. thanks for stopping by, I appreciate you adding me to your reader!


Thank you someecards for stating the obvious!



3 responses to “he actually called me fat!

  1. The only person who can make you feel good or bad about yourself is you dear .. Love yourself and nothing else will matter 🙂

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